Did Aliens steal my dog whilst I was away...?

Whilst cavorting  working around Australia I missed home immensely, especially hubby and Gary. Gary isn't particularly a loving dog... sure he likes to be stroked and loved on, but don't try and get him to sit on your lap or any of that sissy other stuff. He's a mans dog and prefers to hang out (literally) on his own most of the time

just hanging...

So imagine my consternation that since I have been back my mutt has turned into a lap dog.. 38 pounds of lap dog that is too...

Every night he tries to create a nest on the sofa behind hubbies legs or down the side of me... in the mornings he has worked his way from the end of the bed up to near our heads (gross, dog breath! - or maybe that's hubby..) Whilst I was working yesterday he jumped on my lap in the office (ouch).. what is wrong with you dog...

More worryingly he has developed a desire to kiss us..and when I say kiss I mean tongues and all.. urgggh. I love my dog, however French kissing is not part of the deal... yuck

Lastly, and look away now if you are easily grossed out, he has started to frequently run his little 'penie' out (we call it that cause it sounds nicer than wriggle worm which is what it looks like) when he is excited...see French kissing above..  He has been 'done' but the red worm is definitely out more frequently..nice

So what has happened.. my only explanation is alien abduction

Unless you have any other ideas....

I have been investigating my theory this morning and have discovered there are not many instances of dog abduction although Google returned all sorts of weird and wonderful...

I'm think of getting me a dog tag to identify to aliens without language where I am from so they can get me home again (I thought that the Alien would probably know where you were from as he carried out the abduction - but what do I know?)

the blurb says...

 Picture yourself lost in the galaxy...UFO sightings and Alien Abductions are on the rise...Will you return to tell the story?
In case of alien abduction these dog tags may save your life. The crucial data an alien will need to get you back to Earth is die stamped into these dog tags. The design is based on NASA research for the Pioneer 10 Space Mission that used a gold plaque attached to the craft to inform any Extraterrestrials of it's Earthly origin. Alien abduction dog tags, engraved with several methods of locating Earth in the Galaxy, an alien pilot does not need to understand any human language to use this information. The mathematical location of Earth in relation to several important pulsars is represented by the radial diagram. Earth's relation to the solar system is shown at the top. Also included is a schematic of Earth itself and it's major land masses. Two human icons (man and woman) are graphically connected to Earth at points in all three diagrams and are shown with their hands waving as a gesture of goodwill...

Forget identity cards and passports.. I think we should all be legally required to have alien abduction dog tags, and whilst were at it can Gary have one too?